[Special thanks to this video for teaching me how to embed video. Finally!]
Women. Aging. Beauty. Security.
I was really touched by all the feedback that came in from ya`ll on these subjects.
Thanks to Elizabeth Savino Nye for featuring me on her gorgeous blog. And also for getting me a feature with Momaroo. I appreciate it so much.
A few of you said, “I`d like to talk more on this subject”. I agree.
(It`s a metaphor. ;))
I want to too. I also want to say, I am not, hahaha, a teacher, or trying to be one. I just like to share what`s on my heart and what I like to think about. You never have to agree with me. I feel privileged just to be heard.
So now I will randomly share what things have brought me to think on this in the way I have.
Raising little girls. I have 2 girls. If I, the mother, don`t know who I *am* in life, and am unsure of what image I want to portray, I think it`s going to be pretty hard for me to teach my growing girls: (gruff voice) to stand up for what they believe, and BE A CONFIDENT, HEALTHY TEENAGER.
The things all mother`s want for their girls.
This was illustrated to me the other day. It happened as I was standing at my “readying myself” dresser in my room.
I`m not a huge make-up wearer, but I go to quite a few MK parties, and since MK make-up lasts a good year for me, I do have a pretty vast spread of “pretties/make-up/ lotions/what-not”.
Well, my gear was just a mess spread out all over the top of my dresser and Elle was there, watching me get ready. She LOVES this kind of thing and she gets a little magical eyed when either of us get ready and she can in any way touch any of my things.
She had her palm spread out like a bat, waved it slowly over the top of my “spread” and said,
“MOM. Why do you need ALL of this things?”
(Yeah, her grammar is funny)
And I, feeling witty, said,
“Because mommy is old, and she needs ALL OF THIS THINGS to make herself pretty!”.
I said that!
It took 1 second to go from feeling witty, to feeling like a very bad example. So then, to cover my tracks, I hugged her and said,
“You know only Jesus can make us pretty, right? What really matters is how pretty mommy and Elle are on the inside!”
Pretty generic teaching we crank out over here.
She kind of ignored me, because I don`t really think she knows what it means, plus I say it too much. Then I realized, I have to stop saying it so much, and just live it to her. When she is 16, she`ll KNOW if her mom really believes all that cliche with her whole heart.
so yeah, that.
Who wins? And then, just thoughts like: Ok, so why every time when you hear of a sweet old couple (think waitressing days customer) that tells you PROUDLY, ”
“We`ve been married 65 year today!”
The wife never looks like a Barbie or a silicone trophy wife. I mean never. The couple usually looks very much like this: (Is it me or do most old couples have that same “look”?)
I`m not trying to profile or anything. I just really love to use visuals to give a better idea of what I mean.
Isn`t there just so much to love about this old couple? The way their shoulders are pressed together. They aren`t crawling all over eachother with PDA, but they still want to touch, to feel the presence of the other one. The way she has her hair in that pretty up-do and took the time to add a white (not sure what it is). She is OLDER, but she obviously still feels/desires lovely. Also, the way the gent`s hair is longer and wavy in the back. Back when, he was probably a strong, handsome man with a thatch of ravenous, curly hair, it was one of her favorite things about him. But now, most of the hair is gone, but he keeps that lower acre hardy– in memory of the rest.
But my point it– maybe we shouldn`t assume our husbands truly pine for a trophy wife after all. Barbie isn`t the real winner. The woman above is. Something about her… lasts.
Men are visual. Speaking of men. We have come to my next point. We say, “Men are visual” and they are! But I think when women hear that they hear,
“As a man, I truly desire a supermodel, or a Barbie would work as well, for a wife.”
When I think they really might mean, they want a secure and happy wife, that cares for her own soul/mind/body. She showers and smells nice. Even though it`s costly, sometimes her underwear is new and it doesn`t always scream, “I`m a mom!”. She has quiet time with God, so she isn`t yelling at her kids all day. She thinks about what she puts in her mouth, because she wants to feel healthy– not to stave off insecurity. She keeps her nails nice and her hair shiny. She embraces her curves, and is comfy with who she is. She embraces her thin frame, and embraces who she is. She shaves her legs. And sometimes, if her butt is too big– she starts working on it. I once heard a friend say,
“My husband doesn`t even care if my butt never gets smaller. He just likes to see that I care and am trying.”
But I could be way off. And in case you want to know, I`m sitting here on a week night: the hair so isn`t shiny and I need a shower. The reminders above, are for me.
Sometimes, I don`t know why we are so hard on the guys. I mean, none of us ladies want a greasy, lazy, couch potato husband– but neither are we asking for, (or wanting), a ripped Fabio or a casually dressed A-lister named George Clooney. We just want a guy that cares and tries. Same, same.
I don`t know what your husband`s dynamics are either. I once heard a girl I knew say,
“I know my husband loves my body, but I`m not sure he loves me.”
or another one,
“When I walk into a room of women, I always look first to be sure I`m not the fattest woman in the room. I can`t help it!”
Insecurities. You know, so, the pain in all this, is so real for a LOT of women. I know our “weak” areas… or areas of pain… or insecurity… vary from woman to woman, but we all have them. Insecurities. (Repeat that 20 times.) That one thing that screams at me when I look in the mirr0r.
I have no answers, but I just want to get you thinking– (and teaching me in the comments.)
And I guess, I just think if we struggle with these things now, how do they manifest themselves as we grow older, and we have little women modeling after us?
Visual role models. One last thing I wanted to comment on was: I have really come to believe in the power of a mature, visual, role model. I know we do this for Godly character traits, so why don`t we do it with outward appearance too? It does to some extent tie together, I realize, but for real, pick a lovely older women that looks like what you desire, and follow her “look”. I love looking at fashion, and the occasional People magazine, and that`s definitely shaping the way I view what I think looks good, so why not send in some healthy vibes to mind file: Beauty 101?
Oddness. You might find it odd, but when I got ready for a breakfast brunch this morning I THOUGHT OF the 2 women in my last post (2nd picture), and I got a wide, thin, grey scarf and tied it in the way they both have theirs tied. I felt the way they looked a little. And right then, when I wore that scarf, BOOM, they were outward appearance role models to me. It`s funny how fast that happens…
My points don`t go together and I don`t have answers, only thoughts, but I did want to leave you with a comment from Gloria, that was so precious. She said,
“I’m a firm believer in beauty shifting…..not fading.
While I have a long way to go, when I think of who I was at 20 something, I feel certain I’m a more beautiful person today than I was back then!”
Isn`t that JUST AWESOME!
Titus 2: 3-5…
Getting off my writing butt, and going to take my girls on a walk! I don`t want to but… 😉
YOUR THOUGHTS! Jenny
(2061 Galen and Jenny)