Life in a Doll House.

We trudge down the steps together, all three of us have hair tufts, and are feeling “early”.

“Girls, do you want an egg or toast?”

“Egg.”

“Toast.”

My girls are birds. Would they ever eat both?

Want to make a child feel overwhelmed much? That would be how.

I make one of each. (The eggs are hard boiled, so really, I just cut one in half.) Deliver them.

Elle: “I DO NOT WANT JELLY ON MY TOAST! I WANT HONEY ON MY TOAST!” (x10)

Me: “You like jelly- (She does) and you never told me honey, so unless you can come to the kitchen and ask me nice- you will have to eat the jelly toast.”

Elle: “I CAN`T! I DONT KNOW HOOOOOOOOW. I don`t know ho-o-o-ow to say it nice.”

Me: “Yes, you can. (We both know she can.)

Five minutes later, I walk by the table… to see an empty china plate, with a little jelly smeared on it, and a happy 4 year old with blackberry jelly around her mouth- playing with her toys loading PBSKids on the computer.

Success!

I`m owning the ‘winning mother’ feeling inside. She caved, I think proudly.

“Elle, did you eat the toast?” I smile.

“I did”, she says.

Laila crows, “GOOD JOB! YOU EAT THE TOAST, OLIE.”

I stand in the kitchen and smile over the way Laila says ‘Elle’ (Olie). I savor the moment, even though I feel grouchy/happy (half and half) on thisΒ  Monday morning.

The silence is broken with sounds of raucous crying and wailing. Elle is annoyed that Laila can`t say her name right. (That is SO the kind of thing that would annoy her.)

“Say ‘Elle’, say ‘Elle’.”

I am standing in the kitchen- and the little one comes barreling in crying. The older one barrels in after taunting:

“I smell poopies! I smell poopies!”

(That is exactly the kind of thing that Laila is very sensitive about, and of course Elle knows this.)

I check Laila for poopies (just in case) and there are none. Laila wails in a martyred kind of way. She knows she doesn`t have them- and she feels falsely accused.

I guess I don`t blame her- I mean it`s the adult equivalent of your husband whispering “Oh my stars, you need gum” right before you walk into the banquet. He insists I should thank him.

Actually. It`s me that would say ‘Oh my stars’- so maybe that wasn`t a literal quote about the gum. And now I`m confused as to which one of us would say that. It could be either. I am correcting this- or I might get a phone call from a stern, but fine lookin` PRINCIPAL this afternoon.

(Is it just me- or is it hard to find words for your husband when you think he is good looking, that are not cheesy or gross. For instance, here are a list of descriptive words that I think are awful: hot, sharp, dashing, handsome, dapper, spruced up, clean-cut, fine- pronounced faaaan, robust….)

Pressing on,

I tell Elle, “For crying out loud stop saying poopies to her, you know she doesn`t like it.”

They both grab my ladylike skirt pajama pants legs and chase eachother in circles, around and around my legs.

Elle is yelling, “I SAID MOOBIES, I SAID ROOBIES, I SAID POOBIES” (Anything that roughly rhymes with, but not is poopies.)

***

…Anyway, so that is my first rough draft for our circulating family Christmas newsletter this season.

Oh, bother.

Does it still need more work?

***

Then I will include this picture to show how much the girls LOVED taking our family pictures.

***

Our girls really can be the sweetest things ever- I just have to write posts like this sometimes, so when I brag freely on them later,Β  you won`t think I`m completely delusional.

***

Well, I better go.

Now the girls are arguing about which one of them has a nicer mommy. I guess that would mean my grouchy side- warring with my sweet-as-sugar side. Go, Sugar!

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15 Comments

  1. linda hershey says:

    i read your post to my sick, home- from-school Aleiyah. and she laughs when i am done and says, “Can you read it again? That was funn-ny.”
    i think it was the “i smell poopies” story that got her the most. kids are crazy about those crude moments!
    you are just perfect. in real-life circus days and sappy moments alike.
    and i wanted to message you and tell how i loved your christmas picture. but there. i just told you. hope your monday is sweet as blackberry jam

  2. Anonymous says:

    Great post.:) I too, try to think of better descriptive adjectives than”handsome” and never come up with much. Love your honesty and real-ness, because really, most of us have days exactly like that. Refreshing. Love this blog:)

  3. Shannon says:

    Seriously, this explains my morning to a T, just insert other yelled words at each other. He did, she did, grrr, grrr, cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Maybe it’s because the mom is lacking sleep! πŸ™‚

  4. Anna Miller says:

    sigh… so GOOD to know our family is not alone in this. Only this morning, I am ashamed to say, it was more between the two adults living in this house.:(((( Except we were not quite as vocal about it, but you know what I mean, a little word here, a little word there, and a whole lotta attitude in between!

  5. you always hit the nail on the head when it comes to hilarious and “make me laugh out loud” posts.

  6. Rachel says:

    SO glad my girls aren’t the only ones that have the MOST ridiculous arguments. Hope the day gets better πŸ™‚

  7. Thelma Musser says:

    It just sounds so like you were decribing abbi and her random hissy fits about whatever. So this is what life would be like w/ an abbi jr. in the mix…it’s possible that one kid can create drama on her own but if there were two them to egg each other on, is it even possible to maintain sanity?
    I love her, but this is one part of this ‘stage’ ( i hope it’s a stage) that I will not miss–the DRAMA. ABOUT. EVERYTHING.

    btw. thanks too for that card, totally made my mail-day.

  8. Di says:

    tending a baby sounds easier and easier……it is the toddler stage that is my horror now. (switched after actually giving motherhood a shot) My mornings sound much like yours until Alex goes off to school and it becomes quite peaceful. I guess moment’s like this make me REALLLY thankful for the times they play nicely and I actually am sane enough to thank them for it, now and then.
    I know the feeling as well, even though it may be true, the stinky breath announcer needs to be pinched. πŸ˜‰
    thanks for the laugh! I like you. ~ Di

  9. rachel says:

    i would LOVE to receive Christmas letters like this! every year i compile a fake one too…not that i let anyone but my husband read it, but it just does me good to air out the junk.
    glad to see you here again.
    love~

  10. jennie z says:

    LAUGHED again as i read your post. you’re awesome. πŸ™‚ cant wait to see you in feb at the ffe…

  11. Lynnelle says:

    Does it need more work? No. If the friends can’t handle the real life stories they shouldn’t be receiving a Christmas letter anyway. What is it about kids and their fascination with poop and their drive to annoy each other??? Great post!

  12. Joy says:

    oh my jenny!! so many funnies, her ryming and i agree about termes of enderment to husbands. we i dont use that kind to describe vinnie. more like honey, love and baby…. probably cheesy also…

  13. Aug says:

    The main thing that “stuck out to me” in this post is how Elle whined “I caaaannn’ttttt” about something that she can TOTALLY do!!! Nikki does this all.the.time. and it drives me nuts. The other day, she got a spanking. #1 — For not listening to me about what I asked her to do and #2 for LYING and saying that she couldn’t do it when she perfectly well could. I am so very, very sick of that game. I can’t. And in this case, it involved walking a few feet and picking up a cup off of the floor. All of a sudden, her legs hurt or whatever other crazy excuse she comes up with. Is this a 4 year old problem or what??? And then I sit there arguing with her “Yes, you CAN!” and it is just so stupid!

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