A Tribute.

My friend Susanna, posted this song on Facebook this morning. When I heard it, I knew I had to share it.
Sometimes a song plays and words are not needed. Your Spirit connects and bursts open. Sadness, longing, joy are felt. So many emotions…..
Over Thanksgiving I lost a baby at 9 weeks. It felt like an old, old story for me. I had 2 losses before my Elle and every baby we get to receive feels like an incomprehensible gift. This last loss was greatly different, amidst the reverence of the two little girls we have. But devastating in a quiet, calm way.
My heart had been with, and longed for adoption as well. I feel like some of the gifts God has given me, groan and long to be used in this way. I desire with God`s help to nurture a broken child. But this may also never happen for us.
God holds the plan for our little family`s life in his hands. I trust Him so deeply.
This morning, I bathed in this song, sank into the deepness of it… and I let myself remember…..
~~~
I have known so many friends that have experienced the pain of wanting children. And month by month goes by, and the hole in their heart is still empty.
This morning I honor you. I remember just what it felt like.
God… someday?
I pray the song of Ortega`s loss will hold you and comfort you.
Love you!

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34 Comments

  1. Shannon says:

    Beautiful song. My heart knows the pain you feel!

  2. Thelma Musser says:

    beautiful song. I never ever stopped to think what it was about even tho i’ve heard it many times. I’m sorry about your miscarriage. News like that just gets me in a way it never did before.

  3. Heather says:

    *Hugs* What a beautiful song…..

    Jenny, you’re amazing! I believe you’ve given God total control and that’s why you have such great inner strength, peace and beauty. And that’s how you can say, “I trust HIM so deeply.”

  4. Trina Yoder says:

    So sorry! My heart breaks right with you! I see lots of hurting kids right now and I want to take them and love them. Praying for you as you heal!

  5. gina says:

    Bless you for sharing- I am touched by your post- I pray you will continue to heal- I too am so sorry about your loss.I loved the song.

  6. Naomi says:

    I to am sorry about your loss! This song has me in tears as well,thanks for sharing.

  7. Ruth says:

    my heart is aching this morning emotions are raw,terribly missing my husband who is in Haiti this week,holding our children as they cry for daddy this morning,trying to diagnose & treat an illness that our son has,in & out of hospital/Dr.s offices this week,then i sit down to read your post & the flood-gates open wide! my heart breaks for you,the loss of a child,whether you’ve held them in your arms or only in your heart is devastating.praying that God would give you & your family the child that you long for.

  8. Anna Miller says:

    I’m so so sorry for your loss… this hits home because I was precisely 9 wks along the day after Thanksgiving. It’s always so fun to be pg with someone else. Your trust in God and the peace you have challenges me~ may God be close to you.

  9. Misty N. says:

    This post really blessed me this morning. How well I know the feeling of losing a child and longing and wondering if God will ever bless us with another one. Prayers as you continue to trust God with your future.

  10. carmen says:

    so fitting and touching…. Those little faces/eyes in the picture just get me way down deep. I pray God will fulfill your longings to take in a hurting, lonely, orphaned child yet.

  11. carmen says:

    That first picture on the video clip looks like it could be your husband looking up at that little asian baby….

  12. JessicaD says:

    O Jenny. My heart. It has been so heavy recently. The pain of my missing babies and the desire for more – through birth or adoption. I hear you. and weep.

  13. Jan says:

    This song is beautiful. So sorry for your lose. It’s a wonderful place to rest in our gentle healer, Jesus. Eight yrs ago, this week, we would have welcomed our “third” a mothers heart never forgets. God is faithful, He is good. He has planted our desires, He loves us more than we can even comprehend.

  14. Cindy Fox says:

    jenny… my heart weeps for you! thanks for sharing from deep in your heart. praying you feel God’s love in a *real* sense today! praying God gives you the desires of your heart!

  15. cindy says:

    just as i clicked the little >, jacob climbed on my lap to listen with me. he talked the entire time the song was playing. 🙂 i had thought i would listen quietly, soaking in the lyrics by myself… ya know? but instead of being an interruption, as he asked questions, touched the tears on my cheeks and hugged me back, jacob completed the moment. as only God can. tangible proof of His plan that i can NOW see…and hope for the plans yet unseen…but already planned.

    i am so sorry for your loss, and grateful that you shared about your little person, your longings and this beautiful song. love and hugs.

  16. April says:

    Jenny, bless your sweet heart! So so very sorry to hear about the lose of your little one. I love how you are blessing and encouraging others from your own pain, that is God’s grace and love shining out through you. You are beautiful!

    Thank you for sharing this song!

  17. Heidi says:

    I’m so sorry Jenny! Will pray for Gods will in your lives and many blessings for you! I remember so much being in the hospital room beside you when Macey and Ellie where born an hour apart! You are loved in this hard time!

  18. Jo says:

    Beautiful post. thanks.

  19. Rhonda says:

    Oh Jenny, I didn’t know. In a different way, we are experiencing the same kind of loss. I just wonder what God has in store for us. I will pray comfort & peace for you & that God will show Himself strong on your behalf!

  20. Trina says:

    praying you feel God’s arms around you thru this time, and praying heals your pain and gives you your hearts desire.

  21. rachel says:

    what a moving song. i’m so sorry for your loss…hoping that the longings of your heart can someday, somehow be fulfilled.
    ♥

  22. Lori says:

    O my. Reading & hearing this opened up a whole host of emotions that I can usually package up neatly way down in a corner of my heart. I am one of those whose heart still has a child-shaped hole in it. Most of the time I can go on my merry way, but it’s those moments when I least expect it – the glimpse of a new little baby at the grocery store, or sitting in church watching the children bounce around on the bench in front of me, that the hurt surfaces…I’m so glad that I know the Healer who promises are true.

    Thank you for sharing. May this song bless you as it has me.

    “I have a Maker.
    He formed my heart.
    Before even time began
    My life was in His hands.”

    “He knows my name.
    He knows my every thought.
    He sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call.”

    “I have a Father,
    He calls me His own.
    He’ll never leave me,
    No matter where I roam.”

    “He knows my name.
    He knows my every thought.
    He sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call.”

  23. Andrea says:

    Jenny,
    I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.
    Also, I understand that longing of the heart, and wanting to adopt so badly. This morning was the first time that I’ve ever felt like I just want to give it up, that it is too hard, and feeling that way was surprising for me.
    What you said about trusting God with your little family–that was just what I needed to hear. I think that my whole journey is about trust or lack there-of.
    I hope that your dreams can be fulfilled – you are an awesome mom.

  24. Sandi says:

    It’s been 17 and 16 years now since I lost our 2 babies. I thought then I may never have more than one child, but as you know God has blessed us with 4 more 🙂 But like you said, a mother’s heart never forgets. My children talk about our babies in heaven and in the meantime I picture my mother getting to enjoy 2 of her grandchildren in heaven until the rest of us get there. Someday we will get to hug them 🙂 I’m so sorry for your loss, and may God keep healing your heart. It gives me such an appreciation for the children I have.

  25. Sherilyn Miller says:

    I keep coming back, and I just don’t know what to say…. we lost two babies too… and so would like to have another “wee one.” Just so much love and God to you!!!

  26. Maria S. says:

    Been there many times, so I grieve with you, Jenny. I am so very sad with you. We just passed our five-year anniversary; I never imagined I would have to wait so long for a child.

    It was always comforting for me to give a special name to each baby. That way it’s not “number two” or whatever. One of my favorites was Odelia Grace, which means “melody of grace” and reminds me that, although the losses have been great, His grace has been greater. I will pray much grace and hope for you as you grieve for this baby and remember the other babies you lost.

    Those losses felt so terribly pointless to me, until the day I realized that, because each of those babies had life, they now have all of eternity to spend with Jesus! And that is purpose enough for their few short weeks of life on earth.

  27. bethany says:

    i am asking for grace to be poured out on you, you have a beautiful heart and quiet trust in Jesus. I am continuing to hope with you♥

  28. JessicaD says:

    I came back to ask if you named your baby. I have found it to be so validating.
    My babies are Helen, August and Hannah FortheLordhathheardmycry.

  29. Sarah says:

    So sorry to hear this. It makes my heart hurt for you~
    I hope you can take it easy, rest in His grace and find peace in the little things surrounding you.

  30. clarita says:

    That song is so beautiful and precious… I haven’t heard it in so long, and it is so touching with the pictures too… Something within me grew so sad on reading, “I lost a baby at 9 weeks…” I’m so sorry. Your softness and heart to trust comes through hugely, in the midst of the loss, and that speaks so incredibly huge. And yes, God, maybe someday, for all these dear people that desire a child so much?

  31. Anonymous says:

    thank you. you all are so kind. thank you. jenny

  32. elaine says:

    It will soon be 16 & 17 years ago that I miscarried.I still think about those babies occasionally and how different our lives would be.Through it all God has been faithful.I love your quote about trusting God deeply,keep focusing on Him!

  33. amber says:

    my heart twisted right up reading this. listening.
    i know those emotions all too well.

    i love you sweet jenny.

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